You Are Not Alone

Dear Single Lady,

As human beings, we are wired for connection and love. It makes total sense that as a single woman, you may be longing for an intimate relationship. I'm all for that - girl, I'm in the same boat! But what I want you to know is that even though you may not have a romantic partner, you are not alone.

The notion that if you're single, you're alone is a story that many of us have been told by society. The character of the sad, lonely single woman is one that we all know well. We've seen her in countless movies and TV shows and we've feared becoming her. Unfortunately, for some of us who are single at a time (ie. age!) when we thought we wouldn't be, we've believed the story that we're turning into this lady.

A big reason why being single = being alone in many of our minds is that our society has often taught us to look outside of ourselves for fulfillment. What others think of us and what others are doing or have becomes of utmost importance. Many women spend so much of their time "in real life" and on social media comparing themselves to others and seeing how they measure up. This, my friends, is a recipe for disaster, especially for single women. In a society that often defines success as a woman by your relationship status, you'll be fighting a losing battle if you play the comparison game.

You must look within. Who are you? What makes you happy? What do you want to accomplish in your life and why? The antidote to feeling alone is to realize that you have you! But this is only true if you really love yourself and are there for yourself. Unfortunately, many of us are our own worst critics.

Nurturing, caring and loving yourself is absolutely essential for everyone, but especially for us single ladies who don't have a partner to do these things for us. You are never alone when you count yourself and can count on yourself. Beyoncé had a whole crew - me, myself and I! But seriously, many of us feel alone because we aren't there for ourselves.

Another big reason why single women feel alone is that they discount other important relationships in their lives, like friendships. It's important not to underestimate friendships and we should keep making new ones - with men and women. I often hear single women say things like "I don't need another friend." I'd argue that we can never have too many fabulous people in our lives.

I'm not saying that friendships or relationships with family members are substitutes for an intimate relationship because I know that they're not. But we need to stop buying into the story that we're alone - you'll feel better that way and it's not true (or it doesn't have to be). By diversifying your needs in different relationships, you take the pressure off of having that one cure-all relationship.

So go ahead and show yourself, your family and your friends some love. In doing so, you'll realize that you really aren't alone.