Visibility

I haven't yet written about dating here because I feel that so much of the narrative out there around being single centres on this pressure to find someone. My main intention with the work that I do is that women who are currently single develop a relationship with and love for themselves first and foremost. With that being said, many single ladies do hope to find someone to share their life with. Cultivating love for yourself and dating don't have to be mutually exclusive, so I've decided to write about something that impacts women who are out there dating.

We all want to be seen. But what happens when you're also scared to be seen? Well, you often end up in a frustrating dance of hiding then being hurt that nobody sees you. This being seen applies to being seen both physically as well as on the level of being seen for who you are as a person.

When I refer to women who are afraid of being physically seen, I'm talking about single women who find it really difficult to "put themselves out there" (am I the only one who is sick of this phrase?!). They have a hard time making eye contact and engaging in conversations with people they find attractive. I don't believe that it necessarily has to do with shyness or introversion as I know of otherwise outgoing women who become paralyzed in these attraction scenarios and conversely, I've seen quiet and reserved ladies turn up the charm when they're attracted to someone.

Now let's discuss the women who fear being found out - those who are afraid to show their true selves to people they're interested in. These women hide in plain sight. They may wear masks or play a certain role that they believe is more likeable than their true personality and authentic self. Their hiding may not be as obvious as the ladies who avoid getting noticed physically, but make no mistake, it's still hiding.

I believe that all of this comes down to one's comfort with being visible. If you believe that you're physically beautiful or attractive, it shows! When you don't see yourself as beautiful or attractive, you disengage. This in turn creates a barrier that prevents any possible connection with another person. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as that lack of connection is then misinterpreted as proof that you are, in fact, unattractive.

Along the same lines, if you believe that there is something lacking in your personality or if you haven't truly loved and accepted yourself for who you are, you're not going to let the real you show. This again creates a barrier to connection as you cannot truly connect to others if you aren't showing up with authenticity and integrity. You'll likely end up feeling misunderstood or wondering why you attract people whose energy or values are so different from what you're looking for in a partner.

If you're interested in meeting someone but you find yourself either running for cover at the sight of someone you're attracted to or you hide in plain sight by putting on a mask to hide the real you, I invite you to ask yourself how comfortable you are with being visible. If the answer is "not very", then dig even deeper. What are you afraid will happen if you're seen? What thoughts do you believe will run through the other person's head when they see you? What do you see in yourself?

Before you can ever be comfortable being visible to others, you have to love and respect what you see in yourself. Once you deepen that self-love and self-respect, you will welcome, rather than fear, the day that someone you're interested in wants to see you.